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#60 - Foie Gras

#60 - Foie Gras

Foie Gras
Price: Cancel Your SPCA Card

Rich people love almost anything that is difficult to pronounce. It is all the better if it is also despised by Frisbee-throwing, Che Guevara loving, dreadlock sporting, patchouli wearing activists. Like a Hummer at a Green Peace rally, animal rights activists have a major hate-on for this tasty treat. This is why foie gras is so treasured in wealthy circles while baby seal pelts and snuff films, which anyone can pronounce, are take it or leave it items except among eccentric Europeans.

Let me put the Bentley in reverse, so to speak. It’s important to understand the essence of this delicacy to know why it is so divisive. Foie gras is fattened goose liver but this isn’t the issue as liverwurst is a favorite spreadable meat in trailer parks throughout the southern US and nobody is boycotting NASCAR. The battle lines are drawn because geese at most foie gras producers are force fed grain, corn and fat using a metal pipe shoved down the goose’s throat. To PETA this is an unethical mistreatment of the regal bird and former 007 Sir Roger Moore calls it a ‘delicacy of despair’. To the rich, this is business as usual as the goose has no gag reflex so it purportedly does not feel pain. This logic sounds remarkably similar to visits from high class escorts who likewise lack a gag reflex but just because you can cram something down their throat doesn’t mean you should.

Regardless of the ethical dilemma that foie gras production may pose there is an opportunity to make nice with the rich. There are two important guidelines; never talk about how it is made and please learn how to pronounce it. Nothing kills your chances of a second date like ordering “deux foys grays, garcon” or “a couple fozz grass s’il vous plait”. Enjoy the view of her Christian Louboutin’s heading for the exit because your date is over. However, elegantly request the “duck tenderloin tournedos with fwah-grrah” and your companion’s heart will melt as the words roll off your tongue. Showcasing your comfort with the finer things could mean your own lips encrusted with Guerlain KissKiss lipstick before the crème brûlée is served. This will help overcome any residual guilt. Last word of warning, never say down the hatch, it could prove traumatic!

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