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#77- Pearl Necklaces

#77- Pearl Necklaces

Pearl Necklaces
Price: Strangers Staring at Her Chest

Pearl necklaces mean different things to different people. To some they are an expensive sphere pulled from the slimy innards of an ocean pearl, to others they are a timeless gift of class and elegance while a minority of pranksters perceives a pearl necklace as a rite of passage that simultaneously impresses their mates and ensures they never have another date with the recipient of their unwelcome endowment. Regardless of one’s leanings when it comes to this social Rorschach test, it is undeniable that rich people love pearl necklaces, Mikimoto or otherwise.

To understand what the rich love about pearls, it is imperative that one understands how they little treasures are formed. A pearl begins its life as a grain of sand or other irritant that finds its way into a pearl oyster. Over the next few years, the oyster coats the irritant with iridescent layers, transforming it into a beautiful gem ready to be harvested with the hopes that it will be destined for Fifth Avenue, Bond Street or Place Vendome due to superior upbringing and strength of lineage. This journey is subconsciously reminiscent of a rich person’s own childhood path. Humble beginnings as an irritant in their parent’s lives, handed off to a nanny for upbringing before being shipped off to boarding school from which they will emerge as an Ivy League scholar and eventual investment banker, hedge fund magnate, corporate lawyer in one of the country’s finest firms or possibly a guest of the American penal system for three to five years with time off for good behavior. If the latter is avoided, they will then meet a proper girl that mother approves of and replay this cycle of life.

Typically, this is when pearls of wisdom are shared around befriending the wealthy. In the case of pearl necklaces, it is best to steer clear of these as a means to make friends. There is simply too much danger of drumming up suppressed psychological scars. You may as well chain a chaise lounge to your leg and ask them to tell you about their feelings. That said, if you have the patience, by all means feel free to open Pandora’s Box. You can fill the role of therapist and in the event that you lack ethics and believe J. Edgar Hoover was simply diligent in remembering details, you will have enough ammo to ensure that young Cornelius puts your name forward as a suitable candidate to secure membership at his club, but like an oyster you will be seen as a slime ball beneath a hard and rough exterior rather than naturally cultured!

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