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#50 - Gold

#50 - Gold

Gold
Price: $955.40 per oz

Rich people love gold. There are many ways to own this precious metal such as jewelry, watches, gold toilets, gold bricks or holding it in a trading account as an investment. While it is nice to have an enormous gold Rolex adorning one’s wrist this is hardly appropriate small talk at a cocktail party. As any good stock broker will tell you, if you truly want to make friends with the rich it is important to understand why investing in this metal is so important to the wealthy. Simply put, gold represents exclusivity and a safe harbor for their wealth.

Gold has played an important role in wealth starting in ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece and now plays a central role in global stock markets. As with other rare metals, there can never be any more or any less of this element on the planet and unlike other substances such as oil, water and even diamonds which are constantly being producing and eliminated by Mother Earth, the amount of gold is finite. It is estimated that the volume of gold refined in the history of mankind would fill a room no more than 66 cubic feet or roughly 25 grams per person alive today. With these trivia tidbits in hand you can contribute to discussions about inane yet popular topics among the rich like the validity of the gold standard and why investing in gold is an important hedge against inflation. You don’t need to know anything about these topics because once you get your wealthy counterpart started, there will be no shutting them up.

It is imperative not to confuse owning gold with wearing gold as a trait among the wealthy. To some, wearing gold chains is a means to advertise that they are rich. Think Mister T or your corvette driving, insurance selling neighbor. They are not rich! Your neighbor’s chains represent his entire net worth unless you include the sound system that makes his license plate vibrate when he pumps out “Ice Ice Baby” as a sign of his virility. The only value those chains have is selling them at a steep discount to the loud mouth on TV that screams “WE BUY GOLD!” Steer clear of these people or you will be labeled a douche bag with no chance of gaining access to the influential elite. As a final note, gold is so exclusive that the good people who created the table of anniversary gifts pushed gold out to the landmark 50th celebration to save most people from having to spend that kind of money. Note, emailing this post to someone reaching a half century of marriage will not suffice. If you do, you may as well buy yourself a silk shirt, a new shark’s tooth pendant and invest in chest hair plugs.

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#14 - Patek Philippe Watches

#14 - Patek Philippe Watches

Patek Philippe Ref. 5004G
Price: $241,000 

Rich people love luxury watches. Rich people know that anyone can afford a Rolex or a Cartier and that TAG Heuer makes an excellent holiday gift for the gardener. To ensure that you have something in common with rich people, conversational knowledge of Patek Philippe is required. Unbeknownst to the masses, most luxury watches are manual winding movements, a feature greatly appreciated by aficionados. Refer to a quartz crystal and you are sure to be identified as a bus-riding commoner who appreciates the hourly chime feature of your Timex more than Patek’s moon phase complication.

Some of the world’s most expensive watches to cross Sotheby’s auction desks, fetching more than $11 million, have been built by Patek; great news if you prefer a used timepiece. If shiny and new are more intriguing, choose from a catalog of 203 exquisite Patek Phillipe watches. The 5004G is a hallmark of virtuosity and the most complicated model in the Patek line of stopwatches. Features include perpetual calendar, 24-hour display, precision moon phase mechanism and an ingenious rattrapante device. Not surprisingly, the 5004G tracks day, month, date, leap years and is available in white gold, yellow gold, platinum or rose gold with white or black face.

Are the Bugatti payments delaying Patek ownership this quarter yet you still need to impress the wealthy? Infer ownership by speaking of the Patek Philippe Magazine published twice a year exclusively for owners. Offhandedly reference the Calatrava Cross adopted by Patek, formerly the emblem of brave Spanish Knights. Use the French term ‘bienfacture’ or know the story of Henry Graves Jr. With this knowledge in hand, you are en route to meeting a sugar daddy willing to adorn your wrist with Suisse chronographs.

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