Going To Harvard
Price: Developing a “Yahd” Accent
There is nothing rich people value more than higher education, right after money, jewelry and status. In most American households, the dream is to send at least one child to college. For the rich, they know that their children are destined for Ivy League institutions and for many, only Harvard will do. Among the myths that enshroud this venerable institution is that “Harvard is only for geniuses.” Upon meeting some of the “legacy family” undergrads you quickly dismiss this mistruth and realize that a family member with a Harvard degree from 1948 in Sociology may be more important that an outstanding SAT score when it comes to getting into Harvard, even if it is on the third or fourth admission review.
While the academic merits of America’s oldest university are clear to most, they are secondary to why rich people love Harvard; nothing says success like dropping the H-Bomb at cocktail parties. Yale is nice, and Brown used to be impressive but Harvard immediately implies that you have a great job, boatloads of cash and more class than anyone else in the room. In fact, rich people are so hyper aware of this perception that they will talk about graduating from their alma mater as though they accomplished something other worldly like smoking dope with the pope or going for a jog with Stephen Hawking.
If your parents didn’t have the foresight to graduate from Harvard and you had to slum it at a lesser known institution, fear not, you can still befriend the wealthy. Knowing that many trust fund recipients didn’t score a 1,400 on their SAT there is no need to engage in pseudo-academic discourse as they may not have made it to class anyway. Instead, learn the simplest facts about campus life. Ask about the COOP where you can pick up textbooks and a latte or mention cheeseburgers at Charlie’s Kitchen, which was probably the last time they stooped to eat a cheeseburger, but college is for experimenting. These two traditions should have your wealthy counterpart falling over themselves to share their experience with you and allowing you to form the next best thing to rooming with them. A word of warning, give a Harvard alum with a guilty admission complex too many drinks and you’ll be listening to their horror stories of growing up with Harvard armchairs and midevening calls from Harvard students looking for donations. It’s not easy being Crimson!