Stuff Rich People Love

#62 - Private Nurse

Private Nurse
Price: The Children’s Inheritance

One’s twilight years signal that it is time for wealthy octogenarians to receive sponge baths from beautiful young women. While some eccentric millionaires are comfortable philandering with busty, twenty year old blondes, for most this isn’t an option considering the high level of interest these women show in grandpa’s offshore accounts. The only way that it is possible to legally enjoy the company of a young woman, without friends, family and the nosy neighbor passing judgment, is to hire a private nurse. For an elderly gentleman, the real beauty is that few people can protest the extra care unless the nurse starts driving a Bentley and sporting Moss Lipow sunglasses. Typically, the only fallout is the family’s distasteful glances and under-the-breath muttering directed towards Nurse Betty.

While all adolescent boys and most grown men harbor fantasies about their own private nurse, there is a strict look but don’t touch policy among the wealthy. Just as rich people would never fondle the Picasso or Monet in their study, flirtatious advances can be equally costly. Furthermore, by the time a private nurse is in the company the rich, the men have swallowed so much Viagra it is unlikely that they could pitch a pup tent even if their caregiver gave the green light. So what is the appeal?

For rich, saggy, old men with ascots, smoking jackets and top-of-the-line wheelchairs, private nurses are akin to a beauty pageant for the wealthy. Each man attempts to outdo his colleagues with the overwhelming beauty of his private nurse; it is a testimonial to their success like wearing a Patek or riding in a Maybach. Spend an afternoon at the club when old-timers gather for canasta, gin rummy and bridge; you will see a bevy of well-appointed women tending to each man’s every need, most notably their ego. At first glance, this may seem like a highly unappealing way for a woman to squander a top-notch education in nursing. Considering they receive a healthy six figure salary, live in a stately mansion and now deal with one patient rather than dozens, the work has its upside. Add to this the possibility of becoming a beneficiary in the will and it becomes the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down…so long as she doesn’t have to!

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