Stuff Rich People Love

#43 - Nose Jobs

Rhinoplasty
Price: $8,000

Nose jobs are as common among the rich as coke addictions among strippers; everyone has had one or will get one soon. Rich people love plastic surgery and it is nose jobs that are most common. I know what you are thinking, what about liposuction, stomach stapling, tummy tucks, chemical peels, lip enhancement and breast jobs? All of these are important to rich people and they help reconstructive surgeons pay for lavish mansions, luxury cars and iridescent dress shirts that say I’m a dick with a fat wallet. While these procedures are the bread and butter of any good practice, the nose job plays the central role.

Rhinoplasty is a gateway procedure. Just like marijuana, weed, Mary Jane or grass will inevitably lead to heroine, acid, cocaine and meth addictions, nose jobs tell young girls that anything can be fixed by going under the knife. Once mommy and daddy give the nod to getting that unsightly bump removed from their little princess’ nose, it’s on. The flood gates open and there aren’t enough Dutchmen with fingers to plug the proverbial hole in the dyke. It all seems innocent enough at the time, after all, everyone is doing it and since the botox Mom looks happy all the time…it’s “like she can’t not smile!”

Some doctors will outline the risks and do a psychological assessment of their patient before loosing the anesthetic but they are called unemployed surgeons. Ask too many questions and patients will sashay down the street to a clinic where people in white coats make them feel good about themselves, not probe about “issues”. In fact, nose jobs are so prevalent and accepted that you can’t walk down Rodeo Drive in broad daylight without seeing newly bandaged noses. In as little as two hours, rich people improve their lives immensely and develop a renewed outlook and a sunny disposition for weeks to come. That is, until they notice an eyelid droops, one earlobe is lower and exercise is hard. Please daddy, just one more?!!

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