Joana Vasconcelos’ Golden Independent Heart
Rich people love alluding to their wealth. Few rich people will flat out tell you how much they are worth and if they do it is a sign that they are a flaming douchebag! Instead, rich people will drop not-too-subtle hints to ensure that you know they have amassed great wealth. Obviously this doesn’t apply to the children of rich people who will tell anyone within earshot the value of their trust fund.
The ability to integrate key phrases into normal conversation is a life skill that one must perfect if they are to mingle with the wealthy. As with most skills, timing is everything and without it you will seem like the poor, red headed stepsister. Allusion is an art but with some practice you can shine like the Hope Diamond or Julia Roberts’ teeth. First consider which of your latest material possessions will be most impressive to the group. Wait for the conversation to meander within the proximity of the topic most interesting to you before drawing a loose parallel to your topic. Now, offhandedly drop the bomb. If necessary, use this as an opportunity to land a figurative uppercut on the glass jaw of the most repulsive person in the group.
Let me give you an example. Some pompous ass, who claims to have worked on “The Street”, is talking about risk strategies and municipal bonds. He asserts that his portfolio is primarily weighted towards oil but he has hedged with airline stocks. You step in and mention that volatility in the marketplace has shifted your focus to investing in art. In fact, you just acquired a beautiful contemporary piece by Joana Vasconcelos while visiting London. Turn to the windbag and say, I was surprised you had not been invited to the auction at Christie’s. BOOM! He’s down for the count, you’ve impressed the group with your taste, and the conversation now centers on your knowledge of post-war sculptures and paintings while your colleagues are left to speculate about your net worth. Congratulations, you float like a butterfly, sting like a bee…Sun Tzu and Machiavelli salute you.