Stuff Rich People Love

#19 - Escort Services

Emperors Club VIP
Price: $31,000 per day

Rich people love escort services. I’m not suggesting that all rich people love escort services or even that the majority use them but at $31,000 per *ahem* day, escorts certainly are not targeting the middle class. Take former Governor of New York, Elliot Spitzer. He found himself in a ‘spot of bother’ after it emerged that his idea of polling the voters typically took place in The Mayflower Hotel of Washington, DC. Meanwhile, in Canada, Jim Whitehouse was dismissed after allegedly bringing a prostitute to his office. Being rich, he did not see the issue but his employer, one of Canada’s biggest banks, saw things another way. I bet nobody calls him Jimmy to his face although the frat boys buy Elliot drinks just to laugh whenever ‘Spitzer swallows’.

Call them what you may; escorts, call girls, prostitutes, hookers…the list goes on, as I am sure madam Heidi Fleiss recalls. The crux is that not every wealthy, morally corrupt, middle aged man wants to wear a golf shirt, blazer, designer jeans, Italian loafers without socks and drive around in his Ferrari until he meets a young woman willing to go to bed with him after a nice meal and a bottle of 1995 Chateaux Margaux. While it is reprehensible, some men have careers that they are willing to throw away and therefore pay for this type of company. It requires that they forego the role of the flirtatious, creepy old man and instead assume the role of creepy old man spending money on professional women who will dote on them until the clock runs out.

As nobody in the wealthy echelons believe that escort services are anything but whore mongering brothels, a key to fitting in at the tennis club is to learn a few key phrases; you likely already know and use them. First, use the delicate but not too subtle “tsk tsk” when news emerges that yet another wealthy imbecile has been exposed as a client. Next, you must show compassion by stating…”his poor wife…she’s so lovely”. Finally, diminish the source of his wealth by saying something like, “I understand the money comes from her family” or “did you know he made his fortune in sweatshops/importing tattoo needles/drowning puppies/etc?” If nothing comes to mind, simply nod your head and agree with whoever takes the lead in doling out moral superiority.

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