#5 - Baby Names
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Sometimes the best way to make friends with rich people starts with a decision your parents made while you were a wrinkled lump of joy that only they could find beautiful. Rich people have a lot to consider when it comes to choosing the moniker that will haunt the child for the rest of their time on the planet; does one choose a common theme for a generation or select names that are obtusely obscure?
On themes, rich people will not stoop to naming children with something as banal as common first letters for their offspring like Mark, Martha, Mary and Matthew; this is indicative of parents getting stuck on a single page in the big book of baby names not a well-to-do upbringing. Themes are more personal; luxury car brands like Porsche and Mercedes, America’s Cup sailing champions such as Ranger and Madeleine or Petrus and Margaux after fine wines are excellent choices for the newly birthed rich.
The more obtuse and obscure the better when helping identify children blessed with superior bloodlines. These include Chancey, Alistair, Precious, Laird and Cornelius. If you have not been blessed with an extraordinary name, follow the lead of the new rich and start building your legacy with liberal use of initials. This has served George W., John D. Rockefeller, Stuart A. Miller and Frank T. MacInnis to name a few.
Of course, stuff rich people love when it comes to names for their precocious youth are the same names that their best friends may bestow upon their high brow pets. Proceed with caution!
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Stuff Rich People Love 
Nami.
I like the idea of naming children after things like cars. My next child shall be named Range Rover.
After sitting here reading this website for twenty minutes, I have come to the conclusion that it has been an utter waste of time. Never in my life have I seen such ignorance and closed mindedness. You people need lives and apparently a reality check. Just because you find something weird or odd, does not make it so. Half of the websitesite is spelled incorrectly, and the other half is just judgemental BS. Oh wait, you thought the world revolved around all of you because you had an opinion and shoved it down peooples throats? Talk about uneducated! If anyone has failed here it has been the people who have raised you people.
” Half of the websitesite is spelled incorrectly, ” … “peooples throats”
nice work you retarded c@nt (note: last word edited by Chas)
There is a reason there isn’t a single “like” in any category. What did you expect? A person that makes fun of a huge and completely diverse group of people who probably have nothing in common with each other, except that either they work hard, or else their ancestors did, isn’t going to have much to say.
Boris
Also, Carter is not a girl’s name. Sorry. Try and spin that shit any way you want — Its NOT. Like a daughter named Robert.
Many, many wealthy people have names like Michael, Thomas, Charles, James, John, Sarah, Anne, Katherine, Patricia etc. Names are passed on in many families. Middle-class ones as well.
I am really showing my snobby side here. But so be it. Women can be known after they’re married as Anne Brown Murphy. But hyphenated last names are really rather declasse’ sounding and nouveau-riche yuppie red flags. I think it’s alright if your name was hyphenated before the 19th century.
I do understand that if one has a blended family it’s important and that like I, whom do go by three names, they will drop and shorten it incorrectly. So I do understand. Some aristocrats in the British Isles and Europe have 3-4 last names!
My brother’s name which he has never liked is officially, Rexford Liam Ireland. It was then americanized to Rex William Ireland. My Mother Virginia Dawson Ireland went into labor and was told right before she was induced she was going to have twins. They only had one name picked out. So they had to come up with a name quickly. My Mother thought of her favourite movie stars. Her very favourite was Tyrone Power. My Dad said, No way!” He next favorite was
Errol Flynn. Again, “Absolutely Not!” Next on the list was another leading man from the English Isles, Rex Harrison. My Dad liked it and Rex means “King” in Latin. (Wil)Liam was my Father’s grandfather’s name. I think Virginia is very British and proper sounding as well. and GinnyGinger (she had auburn hair and freckles all over) preferable to Jenny.
I actually love names like Carter, Parker and also Bing! But then again: I’m Euro trash! :-)
Names that mean something like Storm, Bloem (Dutch word for flower) and Sterre (Dutch for star) are pretty uncommon here, what do you think of names that mean something?
Don’t name your child bing. It’s a search engine. It’s guaranteed to get him beat up.
AFAIC th’ats the best answer so far!
emm. good post ))
mm. good one..
The writer/s of this blog clearly don’t know any rich people.
Hilarious!
The car Mercedez was actually named after the girl Mercedez, but right now I agree it’s just incredibly tacky!
this reminds me of a kid i know. his name is carl ulysees (i think thats how u spell it) martin. CUM. his parents didnt even realize it.
no joke
Annoying yuppy white people names. George Carlin had a bit on that. “Chance, Chase, etc” .. Remember Baba Mama and “Wingspan”? That shit needs to end.
I think you may be confusing “Porche” with “Portia,” which is pronounced the same way, but is a traditional (if usually British) name.
I went to a private school with several guys who had last names for first names. Poor dudes spend all their lives explaining why their nicknames are so weird. To paraphrase Frank McCourt (the Irish guy who wrote Angela’s Ashes), “That’s not a name. That’s an affliction.”
The trend I got sick of was seeing girls with names that sounded like law firms: Taylor, McKenzie, etc. Ugh.
The poor have their own mistakes, too. There is a girl at my kids’ school named “Wednezdai” (and pronounced like the day of the week).
I shit thee not.
To be fair, the name Mercedes was around before cars were invented.
P.S. Rich people don’t have HMOs.
Thought you may be interested in the posting about babies Helena and Hermés at BabyRazzi. Thanks for reading Mickie…I adore good discussions!
http://babyrazzi.com/baby/2009/06/09/kelly-rutherford-welcomes-a-daughter/
Porsche? Precious?
Sorry, but the super wealthy are not what comes to my mind or the minds of anyone I know when hearing these names, rather these names evoke images of uneducated, lower-class inner city types who have 12 kids and live off welfare. Ditto for names of other expensive brands used as baby names, like Prada or Gucci, that rule is excluding wines, of course. You meet someone named Prada and it is pretty much a guarantee that their parents have likely never seen the inside of a classroom.
LOL. Exactly! I was gonna post the exact same comment!
Same goes for those who name their kids Harvard, Princeton etc
LMAO. Yep. I met a poor kid named “Propecia” a couple of years back.
As in, the copyrighted name of a prostate-treatment drug.
I’m serious.
haha exactly, that’s what i was thinking too. precious? seriously? i actually think i read an article stating that it was one of the most common names among lower income families. when i think of rich baby names i think of surnames as first names like carter or parker (even for a girl), or just really waspy names like james or caitlin. naming your kid after a car would be considered super tacky.